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Thank God

by Erin O'Neill

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    "Thank God" compact disc with wallet case featuring original artwork by Abigail Tjaden and photos by Ajay Fay.

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1.
You know I hate it when it's cold in California I called you on that bluebird day My yellow-eyed beast pulled me away Four rings and a click all just to say, “I will not let you see me this way.” You know I hate it when it’s cold in California The subtleties of your slowing pace You lined up your life so I’d leave no trace Left me out of pictures, censored my face Always making sure that I knew my place You know I hate it when it’s cold in California
2.
Don’t wanna make you cry Not this time Don’t wanna say goodbye Don’t wanna make you feel All crazy Or like I’m playing with your mind Not this time, not this time If there’s a better way To love you Would you show it to me, babe? Don’t wanna be the one To break your heart By forcing my own way Not this time, not this time Wanna tell you things I told nobody before I don’t wanna keep myself from love anymore Wanna give the best of me and not be afraid I don’t wanna miss my chance at living this way
3.
Sweeter 04:03
All the days I left behind All the love I couldn’t find But you don’t know what you don’t know You can’t undo what you didn’t know was done I’m stepping to the brink of life I’m looking out with opened eyes I didn’t know that I could fly so high Sweeter, than anything that I had before Sweeter, better than I even asked for Sweeter, every day is an open door Sweeter, so in love that I can’t sleep Sweeter, been missing this essential feeling Sweeter, when you kiss me so sincerely My mind was all filled up with you I ran out of room Now you’re moving in my heart It’s such a sweet place to start Sweeter than ever
4.
Thank God 04:15
I just wanted to put you out of my mind and take back what’s mine Reclaim my energy and do what’s best for me Focus on something that’s hurt me less I wanna be present to the possibility of being free Wanna be present to the possibilities And all I can say is, “thank God” But there’s no relief from the pain So many new questions for answering And after 4 weeks nothing feels the same And all I can say is, “thank God” I’m not ready for a long reply, I thought that I’d already said goodbye I squeeze my way through another day of feeling Pressure to become somebody else Now you listen and you say you’re sorry to me Now you listen and you say you’re sorry
5.
Vacant Heart 03:54
The shadows cast over my eyes Begin to stretch and shift in the sunrise As I roll into the memory of you I wake to find myself in this new life My ways are deep Deeper than I ever could have reached And all your half true words I cannot keep The space you took up now is empty My heart has a vacancy I untied your soul from mine Every single knot that built up over time As the tension fell, I could tell You were never really mine
6.
Air 03:44
I catch your eyes as you hold mine You look at me like I’m something to see We’re all tangled up like a fruit on the vine Always sippin on that sweet salvation wine I was calloused and cracking Now I’m melting reacting To the hot and cold Knowing when to lighten up and when to let it go We breathe like the air in our lungs can’t stand to be there anymore I slip your style into mine You’re the complement I will not forget Can’t take the waking cuz the light hurts my eyes It always ruins dreams and threatens my mind But I’m changing, adapting to everything that is happening We breathe like the air in our lungs can’t stand to be there anymore I’m ready for you
7.
I gave my skin to the wind What was I thinking? I let it happen again This filled up, heavy feeling And I’m one glass of wine away From treading these tears Still I’m not one to pray After all of these years The sky needs to break And I need to drown I let my thoughts turn to mist From black to white to gray It always comes down to this When I watch them drift away And I’m fighting for release So I can be free Crying for relief Salt water to sea The sky needs to break And I need to drown Humidity so heavy in this town I need to drown Spilling all my feelings on the ground I need to drown
8.
Cracked 04:54
It cracked in my hand I remembered the meter It wasn’t too late It cracked it my hand It hadn’t fallen But sometimes you can’t predict the break And I’m inside out of mirrors Never really clear on what it is I look like Fumbling over fears, shifting gears I’m just trying to get my act right Get it right You cracked in my hand Splintered down your perfect face It wasn’t too late You cracked in my hand Felt no pain But sometimes you can’t predict the break And I’m inside out of mirrors Never really clear on what it is I look like Fumbling over fears, shifting gears I’m just trying to get my act right Get it right I ran out of ink at the worst time Frustrations on the page Went deeper than I realized The world, I fear, has turned away Who am I today?
9.
Spaced out, I don’t know what I’m doing Here and now, one thing I know for sure My heart ain’t breaking anymore Big mouth, I can’t stop talking bout How things are now and just how good I’m doing My heart ain’t breaking anymore My heart ain’t breaking anymore You said, “I love you but there’s something that you Don’t have for me to keep this going” But my heart ain’t breaking anymore I left behind the parts of me that were Dried and dead, and I started over Heart ain’t breaking anymore My heart ain’t breaking anymore I’m not tryna blame ya It’s unfair to shame ya Only took a year to say All is forgiven Almost forgotten I hope you find blessings in your day

credits

released January 8, 2017

All songs written by Erin O’Neill
Produced, Mixed and Mastered by Ivan Edwards
Mixed at ES Audio
Artwork by Abigail Tjaden
Photos by Ajay Fay

Thanks to Joe Salcedo, Efa Etoroma Jr., Chris Cadenhead, Anthony Brewster, Grace Nathaniel, Conrad Bauer, Cheong Kim, Dan Lutz, Phillip Meneses and Dan Blessinger for contributing your amazing talents!

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